Have you been...?

• Feeling unheard
• Feeling shut out by your partner and isolated
• Feeling that your partner only approaches you when he/she wants something
• Talked over when you are trying to explain how you feel

Does your partner...?

• Appear cold to your responses, particularly requests for emotional support
• Appear childlike when caught or challenged over doing something previously agreed in the relationship as a no-go area, for example chastising the partner in front of children
• Deny any previous discussion took place and that you are totally at fault
• Refuse to accept responsibility for mistakes, for example after an argument, pretends it is nothing to do with him
• Appear unable to respond with good emotions
• Chastise you when he/she has forgotten to do something
• Appear to others as if he/she is a wonderful or perfect partner
• Become the ideal host
• Timetable his/her life
• Treat you like his mother/father - expect you to be the parent in all situations
• Put others needs before yours
• Not listen to your problems, dismissing them as trivia
• Appear to be cold hearted to you/the children
• Appear emotionally missing or absent
• Always have to be right and cannot apologise even if it is clear that he/she is mistaken
• Take any small comment made by you as a personal insult directed at them with the intention of it being a personal slight
• Show little joy in life
• Appear to lack empathy for loved ones (but can sometimes show it for people outside the immediate group)

Does it feel as if you...?

• Are in a loveless relationship
• Take all the blame for any issue that arises
• Are treated badly/coldly/indifferently over your own issues while your partners issues must always be treated as the most important
• Are bullied or targeted when your partner is not getting his needs met
• Have a partner who has difficulties with his relationships with you and/or your children
• Have a partner who seems to be a workaholic and cannot relax
• Are invisible or your partner discounts your views and opinions
• Come out of a discussion with all the responsibility

Helena Thomas is a qualified Psychotherapist, and has been seeing Ex Boarders and their Partners in therapy for many years. She also offers therapy on a one to one basis, or for couples who are experiencing difficult relationship issues